I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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