When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
