Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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