Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
