Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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