I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
