I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
