Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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