How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
