didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
