he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Houston, we have a blender
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
