alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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