What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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