dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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