I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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