I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
