I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
