i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
