By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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