Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
