just come out here and I will go home with you...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
