Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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