whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
