i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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