a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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