if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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