I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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