Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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