I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
