do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
