Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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