ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
