This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
