I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
