I just saw a hot homeless man
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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