So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
