Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
