you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
