i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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