So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
