We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
