I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
