i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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