I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
