You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
