i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
