he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
