I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
if only i could text you this smell
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
