Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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