last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
