I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
