She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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