the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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