Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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