I'm going to jail i love you
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
