My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
