Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
