My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
