we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?