I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor