Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.