I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm getting married
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."