i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?