So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
