So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
