is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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