She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
