Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
